Tag Archives: Lifeline

False Alarm

Posted in August by

I was walking with my friend William down Park Ave after we’d seen the Alexander McQueen exhibit at the Met earlier today. It was one of those rare, lovely, breezy summer days in New York where it’s a joy to be outside so we were taking advantage of being out in it. We were spontaneously on our way to Grand Central Station because William had never been to the Manhattan landmark before and I was excited to show it to him and show off what I knew about the bustling train station.

I’m in New York City for most of this week-some fun and some work; this was one of the “fun” days (or so it started, but I digress).

He turned to me and said,” How is Miss Cathy doing? Are you okay leaving her while you’re here in the city?”

“You know,” I said upon reflection as we dodged cabs and other pedestrians crossing Vanderbilt Place, “I do.” “I mean, I still worry but I make sure that she has everything that she needs before I leave for a trip, I make sure to go over with her where her emergency alarms and numbers are and I tell Tony to be on guard.”

I keep reminding myself that the doctor says it’s good for her to be on her own (especially now while she still can be) and I just try to let go of worrying about what might happen.

I told him about my increasing concerns over her cooking and forgetting how hot the burner is but I can’t get her to turn the flame to low, so, I have to let that go, too (and I’ve developed a taste for everything being “blackened”- I choose not to see it as burned, kinda like the glass being half full-with bits of char in it).

She had just called me to ask, “Did you just call me?” (I had not) which prompted William’s inquiry. She sounded good, full of her usual chatter about everything that she was doing. When she told me that she’d been downstairs to visit a neighbor in the building I thought to myself, “Good for her! I’m not gone 24 hours and she’s already done more socializing than she’s done in the past month-I should go away more often.”

I was pretty content to move on with my day.

After cocktails and an early supper at a trendy restaurant in the neighborhood known as Hell’s kitchen (I know-only in New York right) I was walking back to the apartment I was staying in and figured it was as good a time as any to check my voicemail.

I’d noticed a call earlier from an 800 number but thought nothing of it when I saw that it was from “Provo, Utah”. I don’t know anybody in Provo so imagine my surprise when I listened to the message that it was courtesy call from the alarm company telling me that the EMS had been dispatched because they couldn’t reach anyone at the apartment and for me to call another 800 with the pass code to find out any further information.

WHAT!? Huh? I had to stop on the street and listen to the message several times to try to remember the number to call and stop myself from going into full on panic mode. I never could get the number it right either because of adrenaline or street noise, which was frustrating. I didn’t have my messenger bag (read: “man purse”) with me (of all days) I didn’t have a pen and paper. I was near the apartment where I’m staying so I got inside as fast as the elevator would take me upstairs, trying to call Miss Cathy in the elevator (and there was no answer) so I rushed in to listen to the message (yet) again and call the number given to find out what was going on.

I gave the young man that answered the call all the relevant information as requested including the pass-code that mom made up (thank God I remembered it or they wouldn’t be able to give me any information). He put me on hold (just long enough to feel like forever and for my mind to start to come up with the most god awful scenarios). He came back on just before I had time to think up the worst and he said that the alarm had been set off three times. They were able to talk to mom and verify that two were false alarms but they didn’t reach her the third time so the police were dispatched “as is protocol”.

I listened then asked for more information but he said that that was all that he had, the only other thing he could tell me from the notes that he had on the computer screen in front of him was that my brother was called when they couldn’t reach me.

I listed to what little he had to say but I needed more. Part of me understood that he was doing his job and telling me all that he knew so it would be foolish to keep asking him questions that I knew he couldn’t answer but I couldn’t stop myself, it was like I had “questioning turrets”-I couldn’t shut up. I had to make myself stop asking him for answers (and lets face it-comfort and reassurance that everything was okay) and get off the phone with him and call my brother.

I called my brother’s cell phone and it went directly to voicemail, I called my sister in law and got the same thing, I called the apartment once more in hopes of reaching somebody and it rang until voicemail clicked in.

Now I was getting really worried but I was more pissed than panicked that no fucking body was on the other end of the line and I needed to know what was going on!

I thought to call our upstairs neighbor; Ron (one of Miss Cathy’s other “sons”) in the off chance that he heard something or hopefully knew something.

He picked up on the second ring (thank you Jesus) and he told me (quite calmly) that everything was okay; it as all a false alarm and that Miss Cathy was downstairs asleep.

“Asleep?! Asleep?!” What the ……I’m sitting here mentally multitasking how soon I can pack, if I need to pack, what time the next train to DC was/is and deciding just how much guilt I’d have time to heap upon myself on the train ride home and she’s asleep!

Of course I said none of this as I listened to Ron, he told me that there was a freak summer rain this afternoon that was very intense and the wind had knocked over several of the plants on the balcony. Miss Cathy was attempting to go out to make things right and forgot to turn off the alarm as she pushed the sliding glass doors open. Apparently the sound of the alarm got her rattled so she forgot the pass-code to reset the system and she really started to panic when the security company started talking to her through security system, which is a box on the wall in the kitchen.

She calmed down enough and was able to give them the information they needed to re-set the system but somehow she set off again, and again she was able to give them the info needed to re-set the system and call of the cavalry but what I don’t know yet (because she’s “asleep”and not answering the phone) is why she didn’t, couldn’t or was too flustered to do the same thing the third time she set the alarm off by mistake.

When they couldn’t reach her the third time they sent out the police who came to the apartment and used the pass-code on the lock-box on the front door to gain entry (which really freaked her out) and she couldn’t find her ID to prove that she was who she is (I had left her ID on the living room table for her but it’s my fault that I didn’t specifically hold it up for her to make sure that she knew it was there-I just left it where I “thought” she was sure to see it next to her daily pill box.

Fortunately, this is when Ron heard the ruckus and came down and vouched for her as the owner of the apartment. The police were still not convinced that she wasn’t being coerced into saying that everything was alright so they conducted a search of the entire apartment to make sure no one was in one of the back bedrooms attempting to do her harm.

Satisfied that it was all a mistake they left and the alarm was reset. Ron sat and talked to her for more than a half hour then left when she said that she was going to bed.

So, thanks to Ron I now know that she’s all right and I don’t have to “worry”, worry. I can only assume that the storm knocked out the cell towers where my brother lives so that’s why he can’t reach me (or not, but I’m not going to lose any sleep worrying about him tonight). I am going to give Miss Cathy what “for” for not picking up the phone.

I know her very well and I know that she sleeps with the phone next to her bed and she can pick it up and answer or ignore it-it’s her choice you know she’d be a “chatty-cathy” and pick up if it were one of her girlfriends calling with some gossip or one of the country relatives of unknown relation calling but just because the “alarm” is over for her-it’s “false” of her to think that she isn’t the only person impacted by the events of her day.

“Luu-cy, u got some ‘spaining to do”

Wiz-zed

Posted in April by

I’m in Kansas City now and won’t be back in Greenbelt till the 21st. Without balloons or fanfare I gave Miss Cathy a hug and a kiss and took the train to New York last Thursday to hang out with Chad in the Emerald City and now we’re in the land of Oz.

I feel like I’ve escaped from the Wicked witch’s tower but that would infer that Miss Cathy is Glinda’s evil sister from the East. By the look on her face (utter joy) when I was standing at the door to leave I could see that she was a fellow escapee, too. She was looking forward to getting rid of my ass and as much (or more) as I was looking forward to leaving. How can you blame her really, I mean, the poor woman hasn’t been alone in over a year.

So, I guess that would make Alzheimer’s the Wicked witch that’s swooped down and turned our little world to black and white from color; dementia the evil tower, her paranoia and anger issues would be the flying monkeys (which scared the be-Jesus out of me when I was kid by the way) and lately her behavior threaten to send me under the bed once more.

If it’s true what Mr. Baum says that I’ve been home all along then why is that when I click my heels nothing happens? I’ve lived in the Emerald City (New York), the land of Oz (Kansas City) and even over the rainbow (on the left bank in Paris) so why oh why do I keep waking up in Greenbelt? Since becoming suburbanized I’ve traded in my designer shoes for Nikes but the result should be the same-when am I going to wake up in an overstuffed feather bed next to some little hairy beast surrounded by extended family and the hired help?

I left Miss Cathy with her lifeline alert necklace (more powerful than ruby slippers) so I feel like she has some protection. I called to check on her yesterday and she sounded as happy as the mayor of Munchkin land. She could have been sitting there playing with her own feces for all I knew but that’s a stretch in behavior (thank the lord for now) but I am cognizant of the fact that one can give “good phone”-meaning that a lot people that are ill can “sound” healthy and capable over the airwaves.

So, I’m conscious of that and I also know that she couldn’t deteriorate that quickly in just a few days so I’m listening for things other than the scatological. Is she present? Is she clear? Does she sound calm or confused?

Once I ascertained all of that I could confidently sit back and let her tell her latest story of what hillbilly relative did what to whom wash over me and feel confident that I could hang up the phone and start skipping back down the yellow brick road.

A lifeline

Posted in March by

Since the meeting with the neurologist things around here have been going pretty smoothly. Miss Cathy is still doing her “victory lap”; calling everybody she knows to tell him or her what the doctor said (or more accurately-what she “wanted” to hear him say).

Anyway, she called me into the living room recently to tell me that she had an idea about how to make “me” feel more comfortable about her staying home alone (what she doesn’t seem to realize is that I am “so fine” with recent events, I went through whatever upset and changes I was going through and now I’m moving on-next!).

She suggested that “she” should get a “medical alert necklace” (you know the one, you’ve seen the commercials on TV late at night, “Help! I’ve fallen and I cant get up!”) Well, I was surprised that she came up with the idea but after thinking about it I gotta say that I was impressed (even if “I” am the one that is going to have to look into getting it).

So, I added researching the “necklace” to the list of things to do. Tops on that list were contacting lawyers to get information about her estate planning. It’s not like there’s much of an “estate” but what little there is has to be carefully managed so that Tony and I can do the right thing by her and (hopefully) set up the future so that when she needs long term care everything is in place for her to take full advantage of Medicaid.

I got a list of lawyers from The Alzheimer’s Association and they also suggested I check out the NAELA (National Assoc of Elder Law Attorneys) website. Unfortunately, the list from the Alz Assoc needed to be updated. A lot of the lawyers that I called no longer practiced or the numbers were wrong and the NAELA website had some incorrect information, too. But, I persevered and came up with about half a dozen lawyers in the area to contact. And being the good little “do-bee” that I am I called my local contact at the Alz Assoc to tell him about updating the list (hey, it’s the least I can do with all the help they have given me).

It took about a week for the various lawyers to get back to me (for some reason four of the six all called on a Friday). They all seemed “capable” (over the phone) and took a fair amount of time to talk with me about what I wanted to accomplish. I knew that I needed something to try to distinguish one lawyer from another since I didn’t have personal experience or a recommendation from someone who had worked with any of them. The Alz Assoc takes great pains to say up front that they are not endorsing or recommending anybody, they are simply providing information.

I had my list of questions to ask and I found a way of “testing” how knowledgeable they were so that I could separate the competent from the cash seeking by asking all of them about the “look back” that Medicaid does for all applicants (something any lawyer worth his salt should know about if they handle any elder law cases).
The “look back” is the time frame by which Medicaid considers personal wealth in determining who gets “how much” money from the government agency that will be paid out for a persons’ long term care (the correct answer: under the current guidelines the “looks back” covers looking into the last five years worth of a person’s assets and holdings (and not three years that some lawyers are still quoting, by the way.

If Medicaid is satisfied that a person did not dispose of property or assets in order to qualify for benefits they will appropriate the necessary funds for care, if they feel someone has assets of any significant value (a relative term) they can determine that the person should shoulder most or part of the financial responsibility for care until their resources are exhausted or Medicaid can put a lien on the property to recoup monies paid out for care after the person dies and the property is sold).

They all agreed that it was wise to start the process sooner rather than later and told me that we are lucky to have Miss Cathy’s support and co-operation. A couple of the lawyers told me horror stories of how family members were trying to do the right thing by their loved one with Alzheimer’s but the person was unwilling to cooperate or too far gone in the disease to be able to help. Some (because of the disease) had become paranoid, combative and stubborn to the point of sabotaging plans by refusing to sign documents or not agreeing to what was in their best interest. So, more often than not they leave a mess for the loved ones to deal with (and sometimes a huge bill for care-remember, long term care can run up to thousands of dollars a day).

I did find two lawyers that I’m felt comfortable enough talking to over the phone to want to follow up with. One lawyer in particular impressed me because she was the only one to suggest that there may be other ways of planning for her long-term care other than (or in addition to) Medicaid. She told me that Miss Cathy could be eligible for a Veteran’s Administrating Pension Benefit that is given to widows of war veterans, the caveat is that the deceased only has to have been enlisted during a time of war-the soldier did not have to have seen combat. If she qualifies, it could mean a possible thousand dollars a month more toward her care so that’s definitely something worth investigating.

This same lawyer invited me to a monthly estate-planning workshop that she holds in her office, the next one is on April 5th and I plan to be there. It will give me a chance to not only gather some information but to check out the lawyer as well.

As for the medical alert necklace, I found two companies online that l felt comfortable calling based doff their websites. The first was “Lifeline”, the one that advertises on TV and the other was a competitor that seemed to offer the same product a t a lower price but I just didn’t get a good vibe from them so I was leaning toward the more expensive company that originated the product.

The good news is that their local rep called to give me a much better deal than was quoted to me originally (so be sure to have the Lifeline agent give you the contact telephone number for a rep in your area-there could be deals and specials that you can take advantage of to lower the cost of the service).
I signed Miss Cathy up, the equipment (which just plugs into a telephone landline power source to monitor activity in addition to the necklace) came on Saturday. I’m waiting for the fist of April to do the installation. I’m planning a trip to New York and Kansas City for two weeks starting on Aril 7th so Miss Cathy gets her freedom (she was sooo happy when I told her my plans).

She said that she changed her mind about the medical alert necklace after she found out how much it cost. Well, I said using her own words against her when she told me that, “Too bad, it was your idea and now I happen to think it’s a good one so we’re keeping it and you’re going to wear it.”

Whether or not she does remains to be seen-all I can do is all I can do and today I’m okay with that.